my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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