Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
