I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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