Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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