I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
