I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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