Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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