I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
