my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
