ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Nicole vs. Life
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
