giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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