Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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