Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
