I'm going to jail i love you
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
