Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
