who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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