So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
