I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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