Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Randomize
