I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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