I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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