its not stalking. its research.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
