It's just like the Real World with babies
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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