I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
