I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
