I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
