On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
