..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
