dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
