Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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