I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
