what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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