You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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