I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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