I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
