She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
