Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
