I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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