splinters make it hard to masturbate
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
