So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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