there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
