I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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