The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
