i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
