Already got asked if we're dating
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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