Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize