Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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