so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
