if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
