how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have post one night stand depression
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
