I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
