I have demons in me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
