Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
